I have a friend who has schizophrenia who is a woman. She, like me, is not listened to by mental healthcare professionals. They throw psychiatric medication at us like candy. As the headlines of CNN and Fox News scream to the world, "Mental illness causes mass shootings" prompting yet another uninformed social media back and forth, I sometimes scream out loud to the cars that pass by "Stop and listen, I have something to say about all this!" Does this make me mad? I have direct insight into what is wrong with our mental healthcare system, and it lies in the oddest of places, dreams. I have not written an entry into this book in over six months, preferring to stay asleep on my rock climbing crashpads from Berkeley. They remain reminders of a time when my belly was thinner, and I was more naive and green. Recently, I've chosen to escape into my memories of the California outdoors in the form of unmedicated dreams.
How does the Dr. King speech go, "I have a dream..." To kill a person all you must do is lesion the person's ability to dream. No quicker way to stamp out the hope of a person in a brighter better tomorrow than destroying the very ability of a person to dream at night. In my experience, this is what many of the modes of psychiatric care I have experienced do. My female friend, let's call her Em, give me hope that one day I will find love in my life again. She inspires me to write again, something I have not done once in three years. There cannot be a thinner line between what is real and surreal than sharing a mental hospital stay with a woman whose soul you find alluring. It's perhaps the most vulnerable state man and woman will ever be in, raped of any sense of power or social standing. The eyes tell it all. Em's eyes inspire me to write for something that I cannot do alone, restore sanity.
Restore sanity to a life that has been turned upside down by letting the marbles fall out of the container. Let it be an example, and a warning to those that come after, "Do not push to hard, pass the point of sanity, to carry out anything." Once you cross over the line, you never go back. It took years for John Nash to restore his sanity ... #art