when I was a kid and someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d say a singer, or a cosmetologist. I never thought in reality I’d become addicted to meth and heroin. I tried to hide my pain with drugs. Instead of make things better, checking out was the worst choice I could have ever made.
It took over my life in the worst ways. I was never able to hold down a job, never able to hold down friendships, nor would anyone ever trust me because they thought I’d steal from them. I lost value in my word. I became the girl who cried wolf. I was an addict since I was 19. Those 6 years of my life are a complete blur. I chose to Waste away sitting in my grandmas attic alone. I became the worst person. I’d lie to my grandma, steal her money and her car and be gone for weeks at a time, and I’d cheat on whoever I was with. I did things I’ll never forgive myself for. I said some really really mean things and broke hearts of the ones I loved because getting high at the time was way more important.
Now honestly being sober, I have found the things I dreamed of in my addiction. •Friends who actually care about me, and want the best for me and mean it. Ones that want to see me to laugh with me, and actually talk to me about what I like. •My Daughter. I am blessed my higher power gave me such a beautiful gift! I got so lucky because in my mind I didn’t deserve such a gorgeous healthy baby girl. •Love isn’t just a word anymore. I can feel it, it’s crazy.
So a word of advice to the addict who still suffers, you can get back up from rock bottom. You don’t have to be down forever. I will gladly answer my phone for someone who needs to talk. coming from a ex heroin addict I know the physical pain of the come down, and I know that words are not going to help you get thru the shakes, sweats, and sleepless nights. But I will be there with you if you reach out. I will do my best to help focus your mind on something else other than the urge to use.
Anyways. I’m going to bed. Goodnight world.
#recovery #sobriety #gratefultohavemadeitthru #addiction